Colorblind
by BubblyScientist
Summary: He never liked the idea of being alone. Not one bit at all.


Song: Colorblind/Natalie Walker  
pairing: Seifer/Zell  
game: FFVIII  
rating: m (or R) for mature adult situations. And no, not sex.

an: yup. Another songfic. Deal. With. It.

* * *

_[I am colorblind_  
_Coffee black and egg white_  
_Pull me out from inside_]

He never liked the idea of being alone. Not one bit at all. That was one of the reason Seifer kept Rajin and Fuujin around for so long. Sure they were his friends but... it was to ignore that swelling in his stomach that he was lonely.  
He feared it.  
He hated it.  
Hyne, he wanted to die. To stop breathing this air that would one day choke him as his heart beat wildly in his chest. The silence that would remind him _every fucking day_ of _every fucking hour_ he was alone.

_[I am ready _  
_I am ready _  
_ I am ready I am]_

That's when Chickenwuss walked into his life. Zell was a hyper, dumb ass, fucking moron that couldn't spell his name right... and Seifer loved him more than anything in the world.  
Of course, it didn't start off as love. It was merely;_ "hey, I'm horny. Wanna fuck now or after dinner?"  
_It was odd because Zell was with the whole "no strings attached" thing. In fact... he thought it turned him on.  
And of course, it had to have been kept under wraps. Not that Seifer cared if everyone knew he was gay but Zell just wasn't ready to admit it yet.

_[Taffy stuck and tongue tied_  
_ Stutters shook and uptight_  
_ Pull me out from inside_]

Zell was beautiful. Seifer couldn't put it into words. Every moment, every word came out beautiful from the martial artist. He was like a drug Seifer couldn't (and wouldn't) stop using. He got to the point where he _needed_ Zell to survive a simple class period. It started to scare him. He was going to get hurt, but Seifer couldn't stop. The fucking dumbass was just so... perfect.

_ [I am ready _  
_ I am ready _  
_ I am ready I am_]

"I love you."  
Those little words... made Seifer go mad. He growled and snapped.  
"What do you think this is chickenwuss? I said no strings attached! You can't fucking say shit like that." _I love you too.  
_"Seif... we've been together for over three years. Can't we just... I dunno become attached?"  
_Oh Hyne, you don't know how long I've waited to hear that from you, Zell. I love you. I love you. I love you. _"What? Dincht, there is something seriously wrong with you. Why the fuck would I care for you?" _I don't mean that baby. I love you.  
_"Fuck you Seifer! You do care! I know you do!" Zell screamed. Oh Hyne, he was crying. Seifer made his baby cry. "You've changed since the war! I know you have! I'm seen it with my own eyes! When we're alone I feel it."  
"All you feel, chickie, is my cock up your ass." Seifer twitched. Wrong words. Why wasn't he saying what he wanted to say?

_ [Colorblind_  
_ Coffee black and egg white_  
_ Pull me out from inside]_

This was it.  
He was really going to go through this time.  
The gun looked odd in the gunblader's hand. No way was he using his precious gunblade. He loved her too much strain her again.  
He cocked the gun and thought for moment. Maybe this was bad idea. I mean, he was only 20. He had a couple more years to... No. He'd do this now. It didn't matter anymore... not after Zell dumped him.  
His sun was gone... and he was afraid of the night.  
Where to shoot? He smiled and raised it to the side of his head. Nah, he didn't like it there. Plus he'd die fast. He didn't want to die fast. He wanted to feel himself slipping. He wanted to feel pain.  
He lowered the gun to his chest.  
Yes, over his heart.  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was going to do this. He was tired of living in a world where everyone hated him.  
Besides... his sun was gone._  
_

_ [I am folded _  
_ And unfolded_  
_ And unfolding I am colorblind_  
_ I am fine]_

"You fucking moron." Zell spat out.  
Seifer laid on his hospital bed, staring at the ceiling. He hadn't said a word since he was rushed to the hospital.  
Fuujin had found him, bleeding from his stomach, moaning and bleeding. She called Raijin and they took him in. Raijin called Zell and told him to get his ass over right away.  
"Why?" Zell screamed. "Why would you do that? What's wrong with you? That's fucking selfish Seifer!" He noticed Seifer's eyes never left the the white tiles above him. He stomped beside him and leaned over his view.  
"Are you listening to me, Seifer Adam Almasy?" He grabbed his chin and made him look at him. "You are the most stupidest...fucking...asshole..!" Zell's eyes started to water, his insults becoming less threatening. He let go of his chin and shook his head violently. Collasping at his side, he grabbed a hold of his shirt. "You...I thought I lost you again. Why would you do that? Why didn't you tell me you were so sad, baby.."

_[Coffee black and egg white _  
_Pull me out from inside]_

"Oh Hyne, Seif..." Zell's sobs were loud. "I'll never leave you again...just please, don't leave me."  
Seifer's eyes tried to focus but his vision was still very much hazy from the drugs and painkillers. He lifted one hand slowly and clasp it on his lover's hair, rubbing his head softly and sluggishly.

_ [I am ready _  
_ I am ready]_

"Chickie..." He managed, his voice cracked and his chest burned. "I love you."  
Zell looked up with dull and tears still in his eyes. "Oh thankhyne..." He stood up and bit his bottom lip. "I love you too."  
Seifer managed a small smile. "I'm sorry."  
"You should be. You scared me."  
"No...not this," he shook his head and looked back at the ceiling. "I didn't mean what I said earlier."  
Zell smiled, more tears threatening to release as he leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I forgive you, babe. Just...don't do this ever again. Or I'm going to have to kill you."  
Seifer laughed but cringed in pain. "Ha. Love you too, chickie."

_ [I am ready _  
_ I am... fine]_

Zell stayed with Seifer for a long while, simply holding his hand and giving him small kisses just thankful Seifer was _alive._ That he loved him too. That after all they had been through, they were still together. Not even a bullet could destroy them.  
Though, it did scare Zell that Seifer had been that far gone and he felt bad for fighting with him. However, he didn't try to dwell on that. Just the feeling of the warm flesh against his hand and voice that spoke softly to him.  
_"I love you."_

_ [I am... fine _  
_ (Uuuh...) I am fine...]

* * *

_

_Okay...about the "Seifer Adam Almasy" that's not really his middle name but... I like the name Adam sooooo...yeah. XD  
Hope you enjoyed it. It's something a little more serious than my other works but I love how it came out.  
_


End file.
